I decided to write this article after reading a letter addressed to my agony column.
The letter reads:
Dear Dorothy,
I have been married for about 18 months to a girl I knew for six months before proposing to her. We recently attended a party where she seemed to know quite a few of the men there.
I confronted her with this when we got home. After much pressure, she broke down in tears and confessed that there had been quite a number of men in her life before me, and all of them had been intimate with her.
I knew she was not a virgin when I met her but I did not think that there were more than three serious boyfriends in her past.
I feel jealous about her past and resent the fact that she had been with so many men. I am confused and feel like seeking a divorce. Please advise me.
Confused Male
It never ceases to amaze me that men want to play the field and at the end of the day marry a virgin. My question is: What becomes of all those girls you have ‘messed’ around with? Are they to be left as sacrificial lambs on the altar of spinsterhood while you go and marry your virgin and ‘live happily ever after’?!
It is because of this attitude of men that I usually advise young girls to try as much as possible to keep themselves chaste and not delve into sexual relationships with men casually, so that men will not use them and dump them indiscriminately. It is a fact of life that men have little or no regard for girls or women who readily sleep with them before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’.
My advice to the young man who wrote me the letter is reproduced here to assist men who may find themselves in a similar dilemma.
You met this lady and after six months proposed and married her. It means you felt deeply for her and that she had qualities which you felt you wanted in a wife. Yes, you are jealous, which is human, especially when you really care about someone. However, in the spirit of true love, you should forgive and forget the past and not make her feel so bad about it.
You should only judge her actions and loyalty since you started your relationship. You must have had some girlfriends before you chose her to be your wife.
You and your wife must stay true to your love for each other so that there will be no room for suspicion.
The possibility of meeting your former friends from time to time will always be there. This does not mean that you will go back to have an affair with any of them, considering that you are now in a committed relationship with the one you love.
No one is perfect. You and your wife should pray together and take steps to ensure that love reigns in your home.
The thought of divorce should be ruled out. Be positive and see only the good in your wife.
Best of Luck!
It is important that we guard against the events in our past coming to impact negatively on our present because what is done is done. We should learn to let go and move on. Therefore, we should adopt the teaching of St. Paul – “Forgetting those things that are behind, I reach for those that lie before…”
Yes, yesterday is dead and gone, and tomorrow is out of sight, we should look well to this day because what we do today that will determine our tomorrow
