Dear Dorothy,

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years.

We get along very well. However, I have found that I am no longer excited about being in his company. The spark has gone out of the relationship where I am concerned.  He’s more like a friend than a lover to me now. The problem is, he has proposed to me and I really don’t know what to say. I want to break up with him, but I also like him and want us to stay friends. Do you think we can break up as lovers and still remain friends?  Please advise.

 

 

My Dear,

 

There is some difficulty in moving a relationship that has been non-platonic to just friendship when one person wants the close relationship to continue having proposed marriage. There is you, there is your boyfriend, and there is the relationship.

  • He is in love with you.
  • You no longer love him but like him enough to be his friend.
  • He has proposed marriage to you.
  • You do not want to marry him because you feel you are no longer excited being in his company as you should be.

 

Questions:

  • Are you afraid to lose him?
  • Is this fear why you are opting for friendship instead of breaking off neatly?
  • Do you feel that you need more time to ascertain how you really feel about him?
  • Are you feeling that he is rushing you into marriage when you are not sure you want to be married to him?

 

Why not talk to him honestly about your feelings and see what he says. If there is still something there, work to strengthen it. But if you are afraid to be alone or afraid to cut him loose because you don’t want to hurt his feeling, I suggest you do some soul-searching and do both yourselves the favour by going your separate ways.

 

Good luck.

 

Dorothy.

 

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