Dear Dorothy,
We have only been married for about a year, but I have discovered that my husband is insecure. We dated for almost three years before marriage, but I never knew he would get so possessive when we got married.
He says that because I am a beauty, men cannot resist making passes at me and the chances are that I may fall for them. I have done my best to assure him that he is my one and only love, even if other men are chasing me or making passes at me. I have tried to convince him that despite all other men that are out there, I chose him to be my husband.
I have caught him on many occasions going through my phone and emails, which I find very disconcerting. How can I make him understand and accept that he has no reason to doubt my love or loyalty? His jealousy and possessiveness are driving me crazy.
Dorothy please advise me on what to do before I get so fed up that I want to throw in the towel on our marriage because I cannot go on endlessly assuring my husband of my loyalty and love.
My Dear,
What you have described strikes me as controlling rather than insecurity. Your husband looks to me that he wants to dictate and direct every move you make which manifests in his going through your phone and emails. This is not acceptable behaviour.
If you want to save your marriage you and your spouse should begin marriage counselling. Your husband’s possessiveness, insensitivity and neediness need to be addressed. His actions are not loving behaviour.
For a marriage to succeed, both partners must trust each other, respect each other and care about each other. It helps if both have similar goals and values, and are willing to support each other in good times and in bad. Like anything that’s worthwhile, marriage takes work, patience and willingness to compromise. And of course, communication — which includes listening — is key.
Love, attention, respect, affection, patience and understanding are the things that make for a good and lasting relationship. You should both go for counselling quickly if you and your husband want to save your marriage.
Good luck.
Dorothy.
