You are in a bad marriage which you should have ended a long time ago. Now 30 years on, everything about your life is falling apart due to a lack of connection, intimacy, and a toxic partner. You could have ended the marriage so many years ago when you saw the signs that you were on a one-way street to nowhere in your relationship. But you kept on trying to salvage the marriage because you had a set of twins within eighteen months of your marriage. A few years on, with four children to care for and no visible means of livelihood because you are a stay-at-home mother, and because you did not want your kids to experience divorce or be brought up in a single-parent household, you kept trying to hold on. Over the years you sought the help and intervention of parents and relatives, friends and associates, religious counsellors and therapists in a bid to salvage your marriage and nothing worked.
It is a crying shame to sacrifice one’s life and happiness because of children or the fear of going it alone. But did you stop to reason that children are very perceptive and are affected by an unhappy domestic situation? Did you stop to think that children will be more mentally and emotionally balanced leaving with a single mother who has the peace of mind, clarity and confidence to soldier on alone instead of living in a toxic and unhappy home?
When you find yourself faced with a toxic relationship or marriage you have to really evaluate the situation critically and take a decision to end the association rather than suffer and waste your life trying to endure a situation which has no happy ending in sight.
Sometimes we really have to tell ourselves the truth that the person we have committed to journey through life with as a companion is not the right travel companion. Our travel companion really does have his own life’s trajectory and so do we. This is to say that even though you are living under the same roof with someone, you both have your lives to live. Your relationship should be complementary, with both of you encouraging each other to be the best you can be in life.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of your children and or the fear of being alone is neither healthy for you or the children. Don’t hold on to something that is just not working and keep yourself miserable. You have only one life to live, don’t use your children as an excuse not to make the necessary tough and hard decision to end a bad relationship. Take a cool and sober look at the rut you have got yourself into, summon the strength and courage to face life as a single mother and get on with your life.
It is your life. You only pass through here once. Don’t waste the opportunity. Truth be told, children will rather live with a single mother than live in a home where peace and harmony does not reign.