I read somewhere that “Single women seem determined to love their single status, so determined that they often undermine their chances of getting married even though, secretly, that is what they want.”

It only stands to reason:

  • If you tell everyone you’re happily single, insist you don’t want a man, and tell everyone who will listen that you love your life as it is, how can you ever expect a man to think you want to get married?
  • Acting desperate isn’t attractive; but why is it so hard for so many women to be honest about their dreams of loving someone and being loved in return?
  • Is it a bad thing to admit as celebrity actress Yvonne Okoro did that “the truth is nobody is happy being single”

Here is what the celebrity actress posted on her instagram page: “If you give me all the attention and make me laugh I think that’s it. I am not in a relationship, not because I don’t want to. Let me correct that, because you go somewhere and people say `oh, I am happy with just my job’ but the truth is nobody is happy being single. Again you hear ‘I don’t want to get married now’ I think it’s a lie… In my opinion, it’s because your master hasn’t come yet. My mother always says that once your master comes you don’t need anyone to tell you to go, you’ll go. I haven’t had my master yet but the truth of the matter is, because of what I do, I meet people… However, it’s so difficult for me to meet single people, it’s so difficult as well to trust people and that is the problem. At a point, you realize that they treated you like a trophy and showed you off because you are on television. The ideal relationship for me would be to hang out with my boyfriend and his friends, who won’t even care that I am an actress…. At this age, I don’t see the point of dating someone and knowing deep down that it’s not going to go far. I would rather be lonely and miserable than be in a relationship and be happy for a short while; then walk away because I realized this is not the kind of man I want to be with…. I’d rather stay put until my master comes. But what if my master comes at a time I am with somebody, then what, I have to bounce him”.

We are so familiar with the adage that “honesty is the best policy.” If the truth were told, I am of the opinion that the majority of single girls really want to be married; some women find it difficult to openly acknowledge they indeed want a significant other in their life.

Why is it so hard for women to be honest?

Now a quick pop quiz:

  1. Do you want a steady loving relationship?  (a) Yes (b) No
  2. Do you want this relationship preferably in a marriage? (a) Yes (b) No
  3. Do you want a great career? (a) Yes (b) No
  4. Do you want a loving and caring husband?  (a) Yes (b) No
  5. Do you want adorable kids?  (a) Yes (b) No
  6. Do you want to live in beautiful home with your husband and kids? (a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered honestly, my guess is that your answers were an emphatic

YES to all the above.

A woman may like to console herself that she enjoys her single status and not cooking, fetching and carrying after any man or kids, and can come and go as she pleases. To be sure, being single has its advantages. Marriage on the other hand is no bed of roses. It comes with its on peculiar challenges. Being alone and single is fifth heaven compared to a loveless and bad marriage!

But why can’t women say, “I want to have a happy marriage”? Are they afraid if they say it, they will seem desperate or people will feel bad for them if it never happens? Wanting to have a happy, contented marriage is not old-fashioned or silly or pathetic. It is fine. And women need to own up that it is what they want.

It makes sense. Marriage is a public declaration of your love, a promise to one another that “till death do us part.” It’s OK to desire it and more women need to be able to say it loud –“I want a loving husband!” You can enjoy being single and want to be married someday at the same time. Both can co-exist and there is no shame in admitting the truth.

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