Dear Dorothy,
I am nineteen years old and in my second year of university. My boyfriend who is twenty-one is in the same university as I am, but in his final year. We have been dating for about eight months and became intimate about three months ago. We had unprotected sex, and I now think I think I am pregnant.
If the pregnancy test I plan to take is positive, I am in big trouble. I am very certain my parents (if they get to know) will be so disappointed in me, and are likely going to disown me for bringing shame on the family for getting pregnant outside wedlock.
I have not told my boyfriend about any of this because I am weighing my options and I also want to take the pregnancy test to confirm the situation. I am not even so sure that he needs to know. I also don’t think he wants to be a father at this stage in his life.
In truth, obtaining my degree is the most important thing right now and I don’t want to give that up because I was stupid and reckless. Bottom line Dorothy, I don’t think I can go through with having a baby if it turns out that I am pregnant. Is it wrong if I chose to abort the baby? My religion abhors such. What are the consequences of going through with an abortion? Am I a bad person for considering it? My thoughts are all over the place. Please advise me. I am getting desperate as to my line of action.
My dear,
Please calm down. If you are indeed pregnant, what has happened has happened. Now what you have to figure out is the way your life will pan out whatever decision(s) you may make. The sure thing is that going through with the pregnancy will change your life, and aborting the baby will also have an impact on your life.
The immediate priority is to find out if indeed you are pregnant. Many factors can cause a period to be late, including stress, so do the test so you know for sure, then you can decide what you want to do.
Let us weigh some of your options:
- I understand your fear of letting down your family but I am sure, like most parents, your welfare is foremost on their mind and after the initial shock and disappointment they will come round to help you if you decide to keep the baby.
- Keeping the baby doesn’t mean you have to raise it on your own. Your parents may decide to take care of the baby while you go on to complete your education.
- You will not be the first to have fallen pregnant during university studies. Find out what options are available for child care in your university, and then you can also make a decision based on those options. There is always the option of adoption. There are many childless couples looking for children to adopt.
- Abortion is also an option. I am pro-life. And what I say in this regard carries this bias. If your decision is to have an abortion, please do weigh the life of this potential unborn child in your considerations. It didn’t ask to be brought into this situation and does not have to die.
- Some people can have an abortion or several without any regret, while others regret it for the rest of their lives and can be severely and deeply affected by it. If you choose abortion, please seek professional advice (make sure you talk to someone who can offer counselling before and after) and be sure you undergo the procedure in a safe medical environment and best done while the pregnancy has not advance considerably.
- I do think you should tell your boyfriend once you confirm that you are pregnant. Even though you don’t think he wants to be a father at this stage in his life, you do not know what his decision might be faced with the present reality.
And you are not a bad person. You are a young person who made a mistake. No matter the outcome, take this as a lesson learned and use some form of birth control in the future until you want to consciously procreate. I wish you the best of luck and trust that your conscience will guide you to the right decision.
